Allister Cromley's Fairweather Belle (Bedtime Stories For Grownups To Tell)
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Escape Routes (A Story Of Planning Ahead)

2/3/2009

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Allister often planned ahead. This, of course, seems so everyday. And, of course, it does. That is because we have not examined that initial phrase further. This examination would reveal that Allister was a most relaxed gentleman. A most carefree soul, for the larger portion of the list of things that someone could or should plan ahead for. You would find on Allister's list only one thing checked. That would be the planning ahead for possible attacks by assailants, be they sane or be they insane.

This was due to a news story that strung along the front page of all the popular newspapers of the day. The exposure, of which, no one could possibly avoid. If you were of Allister's ilk of man, it would certainly feel as if those very pages of newspaper were themselves assailants, blaring forth in graphic detail notorious deeds for which words were tragically wasted in detailing. To understand Allister's use of "planning ahead", I beg your forgiveness in the retelling and promise that I will keep the summary of a most short manner:
A man, most suredly insane, jumped rode from rusty boxcar to rusty boxcar, from town to town. The boxcars and the towns changing. The clothes of the man changing. His goal remaining the same. The same as all serial killers. A string of senseless killing. Law enforcement seemed unable to catch the man whose constant traveling along railroads left a number of hobo deaths, as well (a severe breech, as I understand, in the unwritten law of rail-riding hobos and vagabonds). He seemed made of shadow or perhaps even worse-air itself. The land seemed open to him. His prey seemed completely helpless, though they outnumbered him millions to one.

It was to this that Allister planned ahead. He never revealed it in a verbal sense to anyone at that time. 

Allister had always enjoyed a morning jog through a wooded area that surrounded a swampy center. The shade of the trees fanned him most pleasantly and, contrastingly, provided perfect camouflage for a killer made of shadow. And sadly, if the killer was made of air, the entire woods, town, and world provided perfect camouflage. But, Allister was a man of principle. And a man of fitness. He would not let the slight possibility that this serial killer had picked this very swampy forest for his hunting when there were millions of other suitable swampy forests for him to hunt throughout the world. 

But, each day, whilst running, Allister felt the same pang of fear. The willow branches seemed to reach towards him and it was hard to tell whether it was out of protection or whether they, too, had it in for him. Still, he jogged. Perhaps, his pace would quicken. For, he was not stupidly married to just jogging. Now in this swampy forest, like most swampy forests, there were places where the murky water snuck up to within inches of the path. And even before the existence of this serial killer, Allister had believed ever so realistically that an alligator of the most blood-thirsty variety, would surely rise from its hiding underneath the green water and clamp its jaws around him. This, my friends, is where Allister's planning ahead began. 

Allister set to mind that, at these points, he would not wait for the alligator's possible jaws. He would simply leap several meters over and past the approaching stretch of path that led ever so dangerously close to the water. This would have given him a few meters of distance in case the alligator did pronounce itself. Past research on alligators had revealed to Allister that they possessed in their demonic bodies only a certain amount of speed which they used during their initial surge (it should be noted that this past research had also revealed a complete lack of alligators in the part of the country where Allister ran. though, there always remained the possibility of a fugitive from the local zoo or a traveling circus.). Allister could surely outrun the horrid beast.

But, now there remained the possibility of two assailants. This Allister could hardly fathom, though he was forced to do so. His safety and future fitness most definitely depended on his fathoming. And so he did. Every day, he fathomed. His plan was etched in his head until that was all that remained whilst he jogged. Not the leisurely stride, not his heart rate, not the mysteriously beautiful scenery. But, the possibilty of an awful death. His plan ticked in his head like a stopwatch-Run with the guise of innocence, of naivety to alligators and serial killers made of shadow or air, listen for steps of serial killer who would most assuredly be first to present himself, remain facing ahead, play dumb, notice possible areas of alligator murder, lighten steps, lighten pace, remain naive, remain dumb in appearance, fall into serial killer's unsuspecting grasp, let arms on shoulders, let arms reach your neck, watch as alligator rises towards the path, stop short, throw the serial killer over shoulders, let alligator feast on his shadowy or airy body, leap over, and run until home.

These steps for survival and fitness could, of course, be used even today. And should you find yourself in such a situation, please use them. However, they may not work if the serial killer uses a firearm. That would call for an all-new survival method. If you know of one, please contact me and the rest of the world.
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