Allister Cromley's Fairweather Belle (Bedtime Stories For Grownups To Tell)
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A Simple Mugging

3/9/2016

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When Allister was mugged, the annals of crime noted it as a simple misdemeanor. For most, this casual description would be readily accepted. But, not by Allister. Had his assailants simply clubbed him in the back of the head, watched him fall, sent kicks into his side, taken his wallet, dragged him into an alley, and left him alone Allister could have easily written it off as a simple misdemeanor as well. But, this is not what his assailants did. They clubbed Allister in the back of the head, watched him fall, sent kicks into his side, took his wallet, dragged him into an alley, and, though they seemed to leave him alone, they had really begun carving grooves throughout Allister's gray matter. 

These grooves, of course, went unnoticed (as I am sure you know is the case with most gray matter grooving) for some time. Allister simply let the bruises heal, the purple and blue softening to that familiar peachy flesh tone. His lip collecting itself and looking like so many other lips that had never met pavement in so blunt a manner. He was whole once more. 

But, the grooves began a simple vibration one seemingly average night, as Allister walked down a darkened street. A steady pace picked up slightly erratic beats, the click of Allister's heels tapping rapidly and most suddenly. The street, one that he had in fact traveled for some time, felt unfamiliar, strange. Entire buildings seemed to lean in and glare.

He had not had the privilege of seeing his assailants. As far as he knew, it could have been the old lady with the crooked cane. Or the man and his Eskimo huskie dog. Who was to say, in fact, that the street lamp had not bent down and pummeled Allister's skull with its cold steel head? In the absence of light, the entire street looked like a lineup of possible suspects. And how they taunted. Giggly teenagers with pock marked faces and greasy fingers, burly men whose stomachs rounded three feet in front of them and shook so violently with bass laughter, post office boxes whose silence did not camouflage that deep inside their hollow selves they were filled with maniacal glee. Allister was well aware of the masquerade. Well aware that any of one of them or all of them together held the possibility of that simple misdemeanor. 

He could do nothing but cringe. Grab his pulsating brain (by way of skull) and cringe. He had fallen into some sort of instinctual trance, a movement of the brain that surely belonged to a more prehistoric Allister that acted in fits of animalistic violence; wanting to tear apart giggly greasy teenagers so that they were two separate halves-half grease and half giggle, wanting to grab the three feet of round and toss it over the face of the burly men until they passed out, wanting to take ravenous metallic bites from the post office box until it bled post cards. Bite before bitten. It made sense in some form, in the grooves of his gray matter. 

But, Allister's hands had never torn anyone in half. To go from tearing nothing to tearing teenagers in half is an extreme of the highest level. Allister's hands did not know how, nor did they want to learn. Whilst they still held the possibility of being an assailant, Allister wished nothing more than for teenagers to keep their grease and their giggles together. The same for the burly men and the post office boxes. He wished nothing more than to be left alone. In fact, he would have surely taken hammer and nail and boarded himself in his apartment if not for the sheer evil his coat rack possessed at night. 

What to do then, when those grooves dig so deep? Where do you find more gray to fill them again? How do you remain civil as well as safe? Allister stopped carrying a wallet, stopped carrying money altogether. Began an unsuccessful attempt to bring back a system of bartering. Time and experience would eventually fill the gray, but not until after another gang of assailants (or possibly the same one) clubbed Allister in the back of the head, setting back his progress another two years, and stealing all his pelts.
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The Ballad Of Sergeant Left

1/24/2012

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Somewhere along the borderline of childhood and adulthood, Allister buried his favorite tin soldier. He had held onto him longer than most kids his age. But, the day finally came. The feeling was there. And Allister knew it was time.

The soldier bore the marks of many battles. Battles between opposing tin soldiers and evil stuffed animals. The color of his uniform had faded with time (and several campaigns where the solider was left outside in inclement weather for days on end). But, those were not the reasons for the burial. With each scar, with each mark, Allister had grown more fond of his tin comrade. Oh, he had received newer toys, newer soldiers. But, even after his tin soldier's right hand inexplicably fell off, Allister only looked on him with more pride. Sergeant Left was his soldier of choice.

And the reason for his eventual burial was not a forced decision. Allister's parents knew the subtle difference between a nudge and a step. And, so, they let Allister get there on his own. And he did. Taking Sergeant Left on missions, finding time for him, began to feel like a chore. Began to feel like a weight, like something Allister had to do. And it had never felt that way before. In his younger days, expeditions and battles and further heroics had just flowed out of Sergeant Left. He had been able to do anything.

But, the day had come. And Allister knew somewhere in his heart that the day had come mostly for himself and not Sergeant Left. The Sergeant could have fought more battles. He could have gone on. He had it in him. The Sergeant could have accompanied Allister. Sure. Sergeant Left would have served proudly and valiantly in the upcoming Allister mission which bore the cleverly clear name of Operation Growing Up (the objective: to understand who Allister was). Sergeant Left could have hid in the foxhole of one of Allister's many pockets and provided backup in the battles for jobs and rent and love and all the unnamed battles that led into the darkened forest of the future. But, it was Alliaster who felt the weight of Sergeant Left's metal. And, even though Allister knew tin was a rather light metal, it pulled him down. It was holding him back. Holding both of them back.

All the other soldiers of Sergeant Left's time were long gone. And Sergeant Left's sworn service to him was coming to a close.

So, Allister placed him in a tobacco tin, dug a hole behind his house (where the yard met the woods), and buried his comrade. He saluted the grave and did his best to whistle a respectable version of Taps. 

He stifled a tear or two (goodbyes are never easy-even when one party or the other was an inanimate object) and he imagined Sergeant Left's future. Surely, there was a reason Allister had to move on without him. Greater things were to come. For both of them. But, it was up to Allister to take the first step. So, he did. Allister stepped from his tin comrade's grave and headed into the future.

And, just like that, Sergeant Left's story flowed forth in Allister.

Perhaps years from then, Allister thought, another kid would live in the Cromley family home and would stumble upon the tobacco tin and conjure up a new mission for Sergeant Left. Or, perhaps, time would hide Sergeant Left from human contact until the future had entirely forgotten him. And, if time hid him long enough, perhaps humans would evolve into a species that knew nothing of tiny tin soldiers or the tobacco tins they rested in. And, then (perhaps, of course), an archeologist would stumble upon Sergeant Left's grave and a whole new mythology would unfold. Maybe (yes, it could happen!), the future archeologist would theorize that Sergeant Left was the last of a tiny tin race of people and he would be revered and written about in history books! Tin monuments would be built to and for him. Yes, ideas and plotlines and a new life would unravel. It may seem ridiculous to some. 

But, as Allister stepped away, he felt the ballad of Sergeant Left continue.
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