Allister was accused of theft twice in his life. The first was a small bank robbery. The second was the theft of a bike which Allister, in the process of the getaway of the aforementioned bank robbery, had been forced to take. Allister blamed his horse, Chronicle, for this. Chronicle, typically a most loyal horse, had become bored whilst Allister robbed and left for some unforeseen pasture-so unforeseen, in fact, that Allister never saw Chronicle again. There are, however, no accounts of whether or not Chronicle had ever seen Allister again.
Allister was devoid of even the slightest form of guilt toward the bank robbery, for which he successfully escaped blame all his life (For a full recap of Allister's escape, please see the extracted sentences at the bottom of the page.). This lack of guilt was due to the knowledge Allister had acquired regarding accusations that the bank manager was crooked in many ways beyond the physical definition. Allister had also intended to use the money for good. His plans were to purchase a small island in the south Pacific. There, he would build and fund a large orphanage and a school of the highest order in both academics and childhood fun. If money were left over, Allister would then build a bridge from the island to the main land.
So, Allister felt justified in the bank robbery. The bike theft, however, was a different story altogether. This accidental theft left Allister's stomach in pain and knots. Guilt wreaked havoc on both his mind and body. Allister could not sleep without viewing the owner of this bike, sobbing uncontrollably, perhaps to the point where someone would finally commit them. Allister could not stand this. Who could? Night after night of tossing and turning, your thoughts poisoned by guilt? All you eat, all you drink, tasting of guilty bitterness? A bitterness neither salt nor pepper, nor sugar, could suppress.
Allister was left with no other choice but to visit the small town of his first and only bank robbery and leave the bike for its owner to find. (For a more comprehensive account of what next took place, it is useful to re-apply Allister's escape method at bottom, taking special care to subtract the bank robbery and substitute a return of the bike for the theft of the bike. Also, to subtract the final step.) He rented a room in a small hotel adjacent to where the bike waited and, here, Allister waited for the reunion of bike to owner. A week passed and not a soul touched the bike. Allister began to fear that the owner's family was a most efficient one, committing the bike owner as soon as the slightest sign of insanity revealed itself. At the same time, a lighter and more positive thought frolicked in Allister's mind. Perhaps the owner had begun a quest to find the bike. Or, perhaps, the owner had simply moved to another town.
Once more, Allister was left but one choice. That was to purchase as many identical bikes as his stolen funds could afford, leaving them throughout the world, in all places the owner could possibly be. A note was affixed. A note that read, "Your bike and my apologies. Allister." If you have found such a bike, or your bike had at one time vanished from its place next to a small bank, this is why.
-And now, a full account of Allister's escape-
1.) Allister shaved his mustache an hour before the robbery, saving the shaved hair in his vest pocket.
2.) After obtaining the money, Allister ducked into an alley.
3.) Allister pulled out a hand mirror and scissors.
4.) Allister cut his hair as close to the scalp as his scissors would allow, being careful to collect all the hair.
5.) Allister pulled paste from the vest pocket opposite the vest pocket where Allister's former mustache laid.
6.) Allister retrieved his mustache hair from his vest pocket and pasted his mustache back on.
7.) Allister pasted his former scalp hair to his face to form a most convincing beard.
8.) Allister walked out into the street.
9.) In haste, Allister hopped onto the bike.
10.) Allister rode into the horizon.
Allister was devoid of even the slightest form of guilt toward the bank robbery, for which he successfully escaped blame all his life (For a full recap of Allister's escape, please see the extracted sentences at the bottom of the page.). This lack of guilt was due to the knowledge Allister had acquired regarding accusations that the bank manager was crooked in many ways beyond the physical definition. Allister had also intended to use the money for good. His plans were to purchase a small island in the south Pacific. There, he would build and fund a large orphanage and a school of the highest order in both academics and childhood fun. If money were left over, Allister would then build a bridge from the island to the main land.
So, Allister felt justified in the bank robbery. The bike theft, however, was a different story altogether. This accidental theft left Allister's stomach in pain and knots. Guilt wreaked havoc on both his mind and body. Allister could not sleep without viewing the owner of this bike, sobbing uncontrollably, perhaps to the point where someone would finally commit them. Allister could not stand this. Who could? Night after night of tossing and turning, your thoughts poisoned by guilt? All you eat, all you drink, tasting of guilty bitterness? A bitterness neither salt nor pepper, nor sugar, could suppress.
Allister was left with no other choice but to visit the small town of his first and only bank robbery and leave the bike for its owner to find. (For a more comprehensive account of what next took place, it is useful to re-apply Allister's escape method at bottom, taking special care to subtract the bank robbery and substitute a return of the bike for the theft of the bike. Also, to subtract the final step.) He rented a room in a small hotel adjacent to where the bike waited and, here, Allister waited for the reunion of bike to owner. A week passed and not a soul touched the bike. Allister began to fear that the owner's family was a most efficient one, committing the bike owner as soon as the slightest sign of insanity revealed itself. At the same time, a lighter and more positive thought frolicked in Allister's mind. Perhaps the owner had begun a quest to find the bike. Or, perhaps, the owner had simply moved to another town.
Once more, Allister was left but one choice. That was to purchase as many identical bikes as his stolen funds could afford, leaving them throughout the world, in all places the owner could possibly be. A note was affixed. A note that read, "Your bike and my apologies. Allister." If you have found such a bike, or your bike had at one time vanished from its place next to a small bank, this is why.
-And now, a full account of Allister's escape-
1.) Allister shaved his mustache an hour before the robbery, saving the shaved hair in his vest pocket.
2.) After obtaining the money, Allister ducked into an alley.
3.) Allister pulled out a hand mirror and scissors.
4.) Allister cut his hair as close to the scalp as his scissors would allow, being careful to collect all the hair.
5.) Allister pulled paste from the vest pocket opposite the vest pocket where Allister's former mustache laid.
6.) Allister retrieved his mustache hair from his vest pocket and pasted his mustache back on.
7.) Allister pasted his former scalp hair to his face to form a most convincing beard.
8.) Allister walked out into the street.
9.) In haste, Allister hopped onto the bike.
10.) Allister rode into the horizon.
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